Uncle Nate's Christmas Cookies!! (and a Happy Holidays from HD&C)

 

Hi everyone!  We are guessing that 3 or 4 of you may have noticed the lack of a new podcast episode this week.  Jesse lost his voice something awful, and it hurt for him to talk.  (For him, that was slow torture.  A Jesse without banter is like a Neopolitan pizza without anchovies...  what's the goddamn point?)  Nate and Tarver tried to cheer him up with dick jokes, but at any rate, an episode was just not going to happen.

Instead, Nate decided to cut you guys in on a great holiday cookie recipe.  Well, here it is, Christmas Eve Eve, and none of y'all have to work tomorrow, so maybe make some of Nate's cookies.  (And not to worry, Jesse's larynx is on the mend, so you can expect another hour of mirth, frivolity, and arguing about mustard, coming up next week.)

Take it away, Nate!

Hi guys! Obviously, I’m no pastry chef. But here’s a simple and delicious cookie recipe to add to your holiday repertoire.  Grab your gram scales and let's do this. (If you don't have a gram scale, ask Santa for one. He's been meaning to tell you to smarten up.)

Rolled Sugar Cookies, aka Christmas Cookies 

400g all purpose flour + extra for bench flour 3g cornstarch  8g baking powder 

Mix and sift and set aside. 

250g butter, room temperature  280g sugar  7g salt

In a stand mixer bowl, combine the butter, sugar and salt. 

Cream with paddle on medium speed for 1 minute.

Scrape down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula and continue to mix for 2 - 3 more minutes. The mixture should be pale and fluffy. 

Next Add:

10g Vanilla Extract (optional: a few drops of almond extract to deepen vanilla flavor)

80g egg yolks (about 4 ea.), room temperature

Mix till smooth and even.

Scrape down the side of the bowl again 

Add the reserved dry mix from the first step.

Mix 30 sec until incorporated.  Be careful not to overmix, you don't want to develop too much gluten.

Form the dough into a flat disc, wrap it in plastic wrap and chill for at least 1h.

Using  some bench flour, roll out the dough to whatever thickness you like. I typically aim for something around the width of a stack of 4 quarters.  (Thinner will cook faster, and burn faster, so take care.)

Cut or punch out  as desired.

Bake on a lined sheet tray. I prefer to use Matfer brand Silpat silicon baking mats, but parchment paper works just fine. The silicon mat will yield more even color, and have less risk of burning.

Bake at 300F for approximately 20 minutes. Thickness and shapes will vary cook times. Just be vigilant with the first round, look for pale light brown edges starting to form. 

{Another thing that will vary cook times is your oven. Home ovens are notoriously inconsistent and finicky. I've had ovens that burned everything, and ovens that couldn't brown a chicken. My current one works great, but you better believe it wasn't cheap. If you're in a ratty apartment kitchen, really watch your cookies. Still, all is not lost. Once you learn your oven's personality, you can adapt. Oh, and most restaurant ovens aren't any better, just bigger. -js}

Cool on a rack.

Decorate -optional-

Store in an airtight container, with a slice of bread. (The bread competes, (and usually wins); for excess moisture in the container which prolongs the desired cookie texture for a longer period of time. 

This dough freezes great. You can freeze it in a block, or roll out and cut all your shapes and freeze them with wax paper in between each shape and bake from frozen as needed. 

Yield- approximately 20- 30 cookies 

Basic Royal Icing (The great thing about this icing is that it dries hard, so you can pack cookies into tins or little bags to give as gifts.)

In a stand mixer bowl, combine :

454g Confectioner's Sugar

100g Pasteurized Egg Whites (about 3ea)

5g Vanilla Extract 

5g Salt

2g / ¼ t Cream of Tartar or

Few drops of Lemon Juice 

Paddle all the ingredients, until smooth voluminous and shiny. 

Gel-based food coloring is my preference but any type will will work. Simply divide the icing and color the icing as you want. 

Store at room temp in sealed container. 

When all is said and done, be sure to leave out a plate for Santa, right next to a gigantic slug of festive brown liquor. Santa's got a headache. This Christmas crap is exhausting. Ho ho holy crap, he's tired.